I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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