he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize