I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
