Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
This toilet bowl is my home.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
