I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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