This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
