He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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