She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
