piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
