I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
