I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize