I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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