pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize