Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
