you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
