i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
