new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
