awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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