there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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