you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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