He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
