It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
