Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
