so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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