the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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