I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
