If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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