I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Welp...herpes.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
