I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Randomize
