I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
