A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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