Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Will exercising make me less horny?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
