i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
