I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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