I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
