Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
