the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
