wanna go halves on a baby?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
