i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
