theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
