Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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