I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
