Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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