I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
