If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
