We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize