And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
