waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
why is half of my head shaved?
You left your phone here
Wait...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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