Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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