You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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