According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize