like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
