i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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