My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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