I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
