I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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