WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
