the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
