She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
