cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
try to milk me bitch
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