I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
