I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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