Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
