I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
