She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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