My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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