she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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