I want to stick my p in your. b.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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