two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She's the barista slut.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
