My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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