don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
