Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
