The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
