It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
