i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
