The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You know, be my cock's hype man.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
