I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize