Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
