Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
two words...techno handjob
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize