The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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