The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
