Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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