i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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