she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
