I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
