My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
