Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
