how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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