so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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