And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
