Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
