You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
