I just threw up on my dentist
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
