Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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