his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
