I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
