My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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