I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
