i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
