dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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