So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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