I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
