The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
