the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
