also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
