I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
